Manifesto Mockery

Where’s Jay Jay

***You’re listening to THE RESISTANCE—the nation’s only source for Fantasy Truth—on 1776 AM, WHIG. And now, here’s your host, The Big Whig: Hot Shot Whiggins!***

Alrightwelcomebackclones……..

……..gotta lot to cover, let’s get right into it…….

……….pff…….Deja vu.  I’m telling you…..

……. ……. ……. ……. ……

Deja vu, man….what a strange beast. What a weird, WEIRD beast.  Pff…….unreal animal.

…………you know…….tell me–tell me if this sounds familiar, alright clones? You ready? Let me know if this sounds like it’s already happened.

Let me know if you’ve heard this before……….

…….. ……… ………. ………. ……… …….. ………

WHIG Nation makes a trade……giggles emanate from the Peanut Gallery……WHIG Nation immediately starts breaking necks.

…………..pff.

…….sound familiar?

How about this one, you ready?

………..

WHIG Nation makes a trade……FatCat Media™ pours itself another Macallan 1926, waves its pinky in the air and indulges in the smell of its own farts……WHIG Nation spends the next month curb-stomping fools.

That oughta ring a bell, right? Sound familiar?

…………….still nothing, huh. Alright try this one……..

You ready? Here it comes……

……………

WHIG Nation makes a trade……………..

………….. …………. ……………

JAY JAY……FROM……O-TOWN…….graces it with his boundless wealth of sardonic insight…… …… ……

……. ……. ……..

WHIG Nation eats a golden mushroom, launches a few red shells and rolls into the playoff lane.

Unreal. UNREAL!

………..pff.

Where’s Jay Jay.

Hey Jay Jay………. …….. …..

……. …….. …….Jay Jay from O-Town….. ….. …..

Jay Jay, don’t look now.  Don’t look, Jay Jay.

OBJECTS.  IN.  MIRROR.  ARE.  CLOSER.  THAN.  THEY.  APPEAR.

Scratch that—

Objects….in BLIND SPOT….that Jay Jay didn’t see coming from a mile away–unlike everyone here at 1776 AM–DON’T appear.  And that’s where WHIG Nation is, clones.  Right in Jay-Jay’s blind spot.  Better slap some fish-eye mirrors on that 1986 Tempo before October cuz I’ll tell you what O-Town wants NONE of once the playoffs come around….. ….. …… …..THE.  WHIGGLES.  You think they’ve got some history there?? Pff.  Unreal.  Deja vu, man.  Crazy, unbelievable animal.  Actuallyscratchthat—it’s not deja vu when it’s UTTERLY.  PREDICTABLE.  Fine line, clones.  VERY fine line.

………….. ………… ……….

……. …… ……..Whiggles undefeated since the trade, panic in O-Town, rinse, repeat, doo dah, doo dah.

Pff.

Unreal….. …..you know–it’s funny–I might’ve just been wrong there.  Doesn’t happen often, I know—but I think Jay Jay knew what was coming.  He knew what he was doing.  He KNEW what he was doing when he said Hot Shot Whiggins should be cut off from making trades.  He made it sound like a slight, but he knew exactly what he was saying.  He knew.  Pff.  HE KNEW this would happen.  Cuz the only WHIG he wants any part of in October is the one he needs for his Bozo The Clown outfit.  Pff.  Unreal.  He knew.

……. ……. …….where’s Jay Jay.

Also—I’m a little disappointed.

…….. …….. …….

…….little disappointed….. …… ……Not in myself–obviously….not in Jay Jay, or the Establishment Rats or Crooked Hillowairdi……. …….but in my fellow WHIG-in-arms Won Shirt, Inc.

…….. ……. ……. …………real shame.  Unreal.  Unreal shame.

Old Boy HATED that trade.  HATED it.  Thought it was horrible.  He let me know.  It’s all good, we talked about it.  We’re cool…. ….. ….

…… …… ……not a good look on him though.  Not good at all.  Bad, BAAAD look on Trigger.

……. …….. ………….BAAAAAAD look on the guy who’s gonna be co-owning the official WHIG ABFL franchise alongside me for the foreseeable future.  WHERE’S THE FAITH, MAN??…….I mean–you’d think the guy who makes more bad deals than Ronald Dumpf would see something that he WOULDN’T do and think “hmm, this might actually work.”

………….pff.

….. …… ……Don’t get me wrong, we need that guy in the playoffs.  REBL *NEEDS* an all-WHIG throwdown for the cup.  But man…. ……pff…… …..Old Boy could learn a thing or two about trades from the Big Whig.

I think Emilio Estevez said it best….. …… …..

CUCKS.  FLY.  TOGETHER.

…….. …….. …….. ……… …….someone find Jay Jay.

You’re listening to the Resistance don’t go anywhere.

 

S00SHIBAR
WHIGZ 4 LYFE

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